Beyond Words: Turning Family Values into Living Traditions

Hoge Family Barn Quilt

‍Should we merely write down our values, or actively live by them?

The Importance of Both Writing and Living Our Values

Should we merely write down our values, or actively live by them? I believe in embracing both. Documenting values serves as a powerful North Star, guiding decisions and actions over generations. Yet, without the daily commitment to living those values, the written words lose their meaning. We strive to document them for clarity and embody our values in every moment; only then do they truly come alive.

A Third Possibility: Visualizing Family Vision, Mission, and Values

But let me introduce a third possibility, a visual representation of your family’s Vision, Mission, and Core Values. In the center of the Hoge family's historic farm is a repurposed barn, our pavilion, where a barn quilt displays a pictorial version of our family’s vision. To outsiders, it is a charming piece of art, a splash of color in a vast pasture. But to us, the Hoge family, it is a map, a moral compass woven with stories, lessons, and love.

Each shape and color has meaning. The design uses symbols that reflect the values of heritage, family, and unity. The Gold North Star signifies tradition and guidance; the Maroon Geese in Flight represent leadership and collaboration. The Orange Boar’s Head symbolizes courage and resilience, with three heads for harmony. The Tree of Life in Maroon, Orange, and Green shows strength through community and gratitude, linked to harvests. The Crowned Eagle highlights achievements and Polish heritage, while the Yellow Circle conveys inclusion and optimism. Lastly, "Dat Gloria Vires" embodies pride, honor, and achievement, inspiring confidence and unity.

The Quilt as a Reflection of Family Legacy

During life's celebrations at the pavilion, we reflect on how our values guide us. The quilt isn't just decor; it mirrors our core beliefs, guiding family interactions and shaping our legacy of land stewardship. It showcases the Hoge family’s history, with each patch telling stories of generations, memories, and traditions.

Over time, new generations will add their stitches, reflecting their perspectives and values. This honors ancestors and shapes the future, blending history with innovation. The quilt evolved as a living document of family, memory, and progress. While establishing pictorial, written, and daily practices for our values was ambitious, our initial attempt to determine our shared beliefs was filled with struggles, lively debate, and varied points of view.

Crafting a Shared Vision, Mission, and Core Values

One of the first things we decided to tackle at our initial family meetings was a shared Vision, Mission, and Core Values Statement. Although many other topics were discussed along the way, it took us two solid years to finalize the statement. Every word counted.

As the matriarch, I strongly argued for education as a core, non-negotiable value. It was deeply instilled in me by my parents and grandparents. As a first-generation college graduate, I understood the benefits of an education and the challenges of not having one. My parents encouraged me from birth to dream about college rather than wedding bells. In fact, early on, it was made clear that mom and dad would pay for college, not weddings.

However, our boys felt that knowledge better reflected our shared value, as it was more inclusive than formal education alone. After some lively but respectful debates, knowledge became one of the values we all agreed on, along with our family vision and mission. The result became a document that we all believe in. Creating meaningful ways to live and share values came next.

Living Our Values in Everyday Life

During our family meetings, we share stories about how we live our values to keep them top of mind. One particular story that illustrates how we strive to live by these principles is as follows:

On his way home from work, our son Peyton noticed a car that was unusually stopped in the middle of an intersection. After several light changes, people were going around the car, and there was no movement outside of the intersection for the vehicle in question; he became concerned.

Thinking about our family value, integrity, using the golden rule, he couldn’t, in good conscience, pass the car and go home. He swung back around to the intersection, approaching the driver who was hunched over the wheel. He promptly called 911 and waited for the ambulance to arrive. Remaining until she was safely in the care of the ENTs and still alive, he continued his drive home.

A Journey That Continues

It has been a decade-long journey since we first began creating our values, living by them daily, and eventually developing a visual representation. It will be a gradual process. Do not expect to establish everything in one meeting. Developing and living by a shared purpose is powerful, but it takes time and patience.

What symbols would represent your family’s values?

Whether written in a document, shared through stories, or expressed through art like a quilt, the important thing is to begin. Start the conversation today and let your family’s values become the compass that guides generations to come. To learn more, visit www. bellehampton.com.