Should we merely write down our values, or actively live by them?

The Importance of Both Writing and Living Our Values

Should we merely write down our values, or actively live by them? I believe in embracing both. Documenting values serves as a powerful North Star, guiding decisions and actions over generations. Yet, without the daily commitment to living those values, the written words lose their meaning. We strive to document them for clarity and embody our values in every moment; only then do they truly come alive.

When a family faces financial setbacks but hasn't discussed values such as fairness, responsibility, or compassion, members may respond differently: some keep secrets, others blame or withdraw, and decisions are made out of fear or impulse rather than shared beliefs. Individuals and families can feel lost, especially during a crisis. Choices may be influenced by emotions, external pressures, or immediate gains rather than purpose or shared vision. This can weaken trust, misalign priorities, and harm unity and legacy. However, values can be overzealous and lack the human element, as in the Getty family. Today, our family's objective is to have a written set of shared values and to live them daily. Through these stories, we can see where families fall short and how to develop your own guiding principles with your own families.

Before wealth, business, and legacy, there was a beginning. Too often, families forget their roots. Many started with humble origins, often in a small shop or farm, which once fostered resilience and harmony. However, as layers of success and luxury accumulate, this sense of unity begins to fade. Some families shield the next generation from facing the struggles they endured. But as wealth grows, so does the detachment between generations one, two, and three and between values, purpose, and pride. What started with hard work and collective sacrifice can turn into extravagance and entitlement. When a family builds wealth, history, or a legacy through hard work, they rarely imagine it could all vanish within a few generations. When the next generation no longer remembers the struggle that sparked it all, the foundation that supported the fortune quietly erodes.

This blog explores the transformative power of generosity during the holiday season, drawing insights from Adam Grant's research on giving in Give and Take and lessons from the classic story of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. It delves into the benefits of giving, strategies for sustainable generosity, and how a giving mindset can foster success and fulfillment year-round.

The quote 'It's not personal; it's only business' from The Godfather movie, often used to illustrate the impersonal and ruthless nature of decision-making in organized crime, was a frequent topic of discussion in my college business ethics class. However, in the context of family ethics, it's not just about making decisions; it's about upholding a legacy of trust and responsibility, a set of core values that elevate a family to a higher standard.

When thinking of inheritance, typically the thought revolves around money or possessions. Designing a successful wealth transfer tends to be the conversation with financial advisors. Insurance companies might ask about high worth assets to provide adequate coverage for posterity. But if you want to transfer values and a shared sense of purpose to future generations, you need to design a legacy plan which would consist of a Vision-Mission-Core Values statement, traditions, family education, and a collection of stories.

I have always been a fan of history, however, with the current state of affairs, I started to contemplate how our core values may change through the times. After HBO Max decided to remove Gone With The Wind from their selections because they wanted to add “historical context”, my curiosity began. At first blush, I assumed a value is a value, but after some reflection, I concluded that the interpretation of that value can be a reflection of the changing times. Our family has determined our core values to be Family, Integrity, Knowledge and Perseverance. Let’s take a historical perspective on each one to see if they have evolved through the generations.

In the midst of the Coronavirus (COVID-19), my husband and I attended a family business conference in Tampa. The virus hadn’t reached Florida until shortly after our arrival which generated alternate greetings, singing while washing hands and hand-sanitizer on every table. Not coincidentally Purell, a family business, was the sanitizer of choice. It isn’t uncommon to have an item from a fellow company adorn the table. In years past “Peeps” acted as the centerpiece the year it turned 50. But this year a utilitarian table favor seemed well suited for the event. While sitting in the main conference ballroom performing a Family Value’s exercise, I became curious about Purell’s story. What was their history, mission statement, core values and how are they managing through this crisis?